Two Words: Funny Signs

Did I read that sign right?

TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
 
In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
 
In a Memphis department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
 
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
 
In an office:
AFTER COFFEE BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE COFFEE POT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
 
Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
 
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
 
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
 
Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
 
Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
 
Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
 
On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

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About

To order a copy of the magazine or to read more about it, please visit
scottqmarcus.magcloud.com

Scott “Q” Marcus, founder, publisher, and editor of Two Words magazine has a three-decade career in the media as a DJ, talk show host, Music Director, Program Director, Operations Director and later: sales manager, station manager, and general manager of various radio and TV stations. He also produces marketing seminars at www.HumboldtMarketingSeminar.com and is a sales and marketing consultant for the Northcoast Small Business Development Center.

Two Words magazine is associated with http://www.LongDistanceMarketing.com, his blog about all things marketing. The magazine is a creative, literary piece designed to uplift and inspire its readers. It is comprised of several articles, written by various people. Each issue is dedicated to a two-word theme (hence the clever title, huh?) If you would like to submit to Two Words magazine, please visit www.TwoWordsMagazine.com and read the submission standards.

Scott Q's Background:
In 1994, Scott lost 70 pounds and became a THINspirational Speaker (and recovering perfectionist). He now helps individuals and organizations overcome procrastination and perfectionism to be happier, healthier, and more productive. He is the past president of the Northern California chapter of the National Speakers Association, a Weight Watchers Diamond Leader, and a syndicated columnist with three books (at www.CompletelyInspired.com )

His presentations are described as “a cross between Business 101, Group Therapy and a Southern Revival.” He strongly suggests that in order to get the most of his presentation, you put your left-brain on hold.
Finally, although he has lost a great deal of weight and is a Weight Watchers leader, he is not a “food cop.” He will not watch what you eat if you do not watch what he eats. (Although he might be persuaded to do a seminar in your city in exchange for Chocolate or French Fries.)

To read his weight loss blog, please visit www.ForeverFightingFat.com

To read his columns, please visit www.WeightLossColumn.com

To visit his main website, please visit
www.scottqmarcus.com